3 Miracles & A Last-Minute Easter Gift List
Also, please respect The Rugrats doing Pesach!!!!!
This is a surprise issue! I’m more surprised than anyone else. Check out this Table of Contents, bursting with content.
Last Minute Easter Panic List
I have THREE miracles to report in this Holiest of Holy Weeks for my former (and by default sort of forever) people, The Roman Catholics (TM). But much like this newsletter, these miracles are for everybody! Pan-miraculous pansexuality is the brand. As Tayla Swiff* herself might inquire, “Are you ready for it?”
*Thank you Las Culturistas.
Milagro numero uno: Two newsletters in one week? YES!
Miracolo numero due: I re-started my Italian studies on Duolingo since I’m applying for dual citizenship. Fact: the government of Italy doesn’t make you pass a language test if you’re applying through their law of descent, a.k.a. jure sanguinis (Latin for “by the bloodline,” which sounds weird and is weird.) You gotta prove that your Italian ancestor was an Italian citizen or had the right to claim citizenship when they were born, and this takes a fuckload of paperwork.
But if you want to add your lawfully wedded spouse and go live in Firenze or Napoli or, I don’t know, wherever Gaga lived in that movie where she ordered the fashion murders I think (did not watch), that person has to do their own application and pass a beginning-to-moderate language test.
Italians: making spouses jump through hoops since forever!
Miracle numéro trois: I walked down the block to find my car (a vehicle from the middle 2010s, thank you). Instead I saw a big vehicle where I felt my car should be.
“Oh no,” I said to myself. “She’s been towed.” (I don’t have a name for my car but I know in my heart she is a soft butch lesbian, please advise on nomenclature in the comments, which I’ve opened to everyone for this very purpose.)
I immediately began to plan my long walk to the tow pound, where I would once again talk to a hardworking City of New York employee and probably ask about what was on their desk (last time it was a scent diffuser, and the understandably taciturn and vaguely surly employee immediately melted and started giggling with me when I asked her which essential oils made people less annoying. The answer is sometimes citrus! Then I paid her a lot of money and I wish she personally got to keep a lot of it.)
With a little hope left in me, I walked a little farther, and there she was: my car, eight to nine years old depending on whom you ask, crouching down to play a little belated April Fool’s prank on her second adoptive mother, me.
I am very grateful.
Regular subscribers get four newsletters per month, and paid subscribers get two extra pieces of writing. Celebrate Pesach and/or Easter and/or secular humanism by upgrading to a cheap, fun paid subscription, why don’t you? Just click the button and pick an option where you send me money in exchange for words. I appreciate you!
I don’t get any sponsorship money for any of these, and frankly I think that should change. Somebody pay me to promote your bespoke line of monocles or hot pants! Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
"A Rugrats Passover" from 1995 - I don’t remember watching this but I know I watched it as a teen, and I know I loved it. Does it hold up? The holiday has for thousands of years, honey!!!!
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring at Los Angeles State Historic Park: What’s up, fellow nerds? If you’re in Southern California or have some sort of budget to go, this May 19h Cinespia event looks VERY fun.
Three tales of creative slowness by : This post made me want to not quit writing. It also made me want to die less (figure of speech! I do not specifically want to die just because writing is hard). If you have ascertained by now that I am a big fan of Mason’s work, you are correct.: To paraphrase USA Today Woman of the Year Sheryl Lee Ralph on S1 of Abbott Elementary: sweet merciful infant Christ child and the adult one as well, I love all that writes. Please don't embarrass me by neglecting his work! Go read his stuff. I’m not on Twitter anymore but if I were, he would truly be my only reason. I would fork over my yearlong Metropolitan Museum of Art membership in exchange for him hosting red carpet at the Met Gala (Anna remains too scared for this but she will soon listen!)
The thing is, you’re going to read some very funny pop culture commentary, but you’re also going to read some poignant truths. Here he is on folks who condemn divorce as uniformly bad: “All you’re really teaching your children is that they should accept less love than what they deserve.” I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned from children of divorce who go on to have healthy, happy long-term relationships in part because they saw adults leave what wasn’t working and choose better!
As an eccentric young old woman who is a childless mommy and daddy, I have done a lot of watching and listening to Marrieds over the years. When it is the right choice, it is a beautiful one. When it isn’t working and can’t be salvaged without misery (which isn’t really saving anything at all), I say go forth and prosper.
The Wolfpack: I really dig this shop owned by a young woman with giant dogs in Cincinnati. I wandered in once while I was in town to do a fun gig with my friend Travis McElroy, and oh goodness. I ordered stuff (much of it secondhand!) when I lived in Los Angeles. I ordered stuff when I lived in New Jersey. I order stuff now that I live in NYC.
Grief: A One Man ShitShow starring Colin Campbell: “After a drunk driver killed both his teenage children, Colin Campbell channeled his shock, anguish and rage into this tragic-comic exploration of our culture’s inability to talk about grief. Comedic and heartbreaking, profound and profane, this is the feel bad show of the year.”
My friend Gail Lerner (purchase her beautiful book for children) and her husband Colin (here is his new memoir) experienced the very worst loss imaginable, the prospect of which haunts the nightmares of every parent. They are still breathing, still living, still moving forward and helping the world through their creativity.
Colin’s show premiered at the Hollywood Fringe and will be at Studio Theatre in Manhattan through 4/16. I am going and I hope you do, too.
Last-Minute Easter Panic Shopping List
Are you from one of those families that is very into Easter? (Yes). Okay, great. Here’s a last minute list of gifts for people in your life who insist bunnies are magic.
Miry’s List - Make a donation to this organization that helps refugee families (like Mary, Joseph, and the Baby Jesus) resettle in these United States.
RAICES Texas - Make a donate to this organization, which helps refugees from many countries and which seeks to reunite families separated by cruel U.S. policy.
Handmade Candles by Birdie - These candles have real herbs and flowers pressed into the wax, and they make a cool snap, crackle, pop sound. They are very beautiful.
Etsy Editors’ Picks for Gardening & Furniture Stuff - Spring is here, so start acting like it! Support a small business and buy some sort of implement.
I hope you enjoyed this springtime romp. Take good care, and drink enough water. Remember to go name my car in the comments. Thank you for reading.