A Call for Your Stories

On bad behavior

I’ve had an interesting month, and am absolutely delighted it is officially autumn. If you’re wondering who put Kroger-brand pumpkin spice in her oatmeal this morning, the answer is, “Sara Benincasa and probably 800,000 other basics.”

I’m writing a reported piece for this newsletter, something I rarely do! In fact, this may be the first time ever. But I’m looking to put my own recent bad experience in context and share other stories so that those of us affected by a particular type of issue feel less alone. (I am shaken up, but physically fine, and am lucky to have a partner and a shrink who are very supportive.)

I’m looking for testimonials (anonymous is absolutely fine, make up an email address if that suits you) regarding untoward, unwelcome and boundary-violating behavior by drivers and delivery people. I’m also looking for info from drivers and delivery folks who’ve experienced that kind of treatment by passengers, customers, recipients, and so forth.

What do I mean by “boundary-violating behavior”? Bit of a broad ask, considering many folks have boundaries that you or I might consider, well, absolutely bananas - for example, the old stories of rich and powerful people who don’t want “the staff” to look them in the eyes. While I’d be fascinated by details of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that behavior (and having lived and worked in Los Angeles, I certainly know a few stories), I’d prefer not to hear from anybody who is mad that their kind babysitter dared make polite direct eye contact while asking when to drop Fripper or Frolenza or Abredeen-Lyanna at Creative Toddler Stock Portfolio 101.

I would love to hear from that babysitter, however.

You can email saratoninnewsletter@gmail.com and I will keep everything you tell me anonymous unless I have an immediate concern for your safety. I may use your story in an upcoming essay here and plan to identify individuals by first name only, and I plan to change all the first names to protect those who contact me.

I will also leave out the name of the company involved, instead identifying the industry of which the company is a part. If you wish to name a specific company that has wronged you, I hope that you do when and if it feels safe for you on your own social media or in a traditional reported story, but I am more interested in what happened, how you felt about it then, how you feel about it now, and how you were treated in the aftermath.

I’d like to know how (if at all) the customer care or employee assistance team at the company dealt with the complaint. I am also curious as to how your friends, family or coworkers reacted when you detailed the incident to them, if you did at all.

I am aware this is a sensitive subject, which may include a discussion of various forms of abuse - physical, yes, but there are many other ways of hurting people, and I’m not only looking for stories of uninvited and unwanted touch. I don’t imagine I’ll be able to respond to everyone who sends stories, but if I plan to use yours, I will absolutely give you a heads up via email.

Your story needn’t be super-dramatic. It can involve a boundary violation of the fiscal, emotional, social, physical, or other variety. I will not tell you how you “should” have handled it - that is not my job. I do hope that you seek out counseling or support groups if you feel you need it. I certainly do!

If you’d like to read a self-reported example of some very over-the-top behavior with some bold face big name people involved, my friend

Dan Curry

has detailed his own shitty experience over here and over here. Trigger warning for physical violence and injury in the workplace. Some people laugh at trigger warnings, and I get it - many years ago, I did too! (Auntie Sara has evolved into…dare I say it…Grandma Sara, your loving and devoted adoptive grandmother. She has matured!)

But I soon came to understand that it is only polite to give human beings a heads up before they absorb details that may trigger very bad memories.

In conclusion, I hope you had a safe and happy weekend. And while I won’t identify you or the company that treated you poorly, I want you to know that employees (yes, even FREELANCERS, the horror!) and customers deserve respect and dignity - unless somebody hurts somebody else and every effort is not made to ameliorate the issue. A half-assed effort is not “every effort.” Know what I mean?

Yes, I am a Scorpio with Virgo rising. Why do you ask?

Love always

Sara

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