A Renaissance Faire Virgin No More

Traipsing through 1574 in Doc Martens and SPF 40

The Bristol Renaissance Faire parks itself in the village of Bristol, Wisconsin every weekend from July 4th through Labor Day. Hundreds of thousands of revelers visit the annual splendiferous orgy of creative anachronism. This weekend, I was among them.

Lest ye proceed thinking I’m about to mock the festival of flesh, face-painting and fearfully high souvenir prices, know this: I had a delightful time and would be glad to go again. The food was enjoyable, the cold brew coffee was strong, the crowd was mainly cheerful, and overall the experience was more diverse than I expected and exactly as queer as I’d hoped (which is to say, very.)

Alas, despite my plans and hearty investment in Prime shipping couture from Haus of B*zos, I obeyed my wiser angels (my friend and boyfriend) and dressed for comfort.

The Faire, founded in 1972, is a beloved staple of the notoriously glamorous, sexy nightlife along the Wisconsin-Illinois border (some sentences, while mainly untrue, are entirely benevolent and simply fun to write.) The founders, Richard and Bonnie Shapiro, sold their project to a bigger event company in 1988, which grafted on a whole deal about a visit by Queen Elizabeth I. The website evokes memories of circa-2008 county fair web design with a very enjoyable update involving a TikTok widget.

I went to the Faire to meet up with my childhood best friend and her family; to see as much hobbit-esque decor as possible with my dude, who knows this is my ideal aesthetic; and to lightly bribe a child past the pre-first-day-of-school Sunday scaries. It was 87 degrees, but the Weather Channel said it felt like 89, and humidity hovered at just under 60 percent, but the Sara Interior Barometer Channel said it felt like 90%. It is possible that the sweat-steam rising off the wool-and-polyester-berobed bodies of thousands of my fellow visitors did, in fact, create a heightened humidity event.

I ate the following Renaissance things:

1. Chocolate-covered frozen banana (good enough for me!)

2. Chicken fingers (child-size portion aka European adult serving)

3. Chips (the hot fried potato type)

4. Ranch dressing (very important in the Middle West)

I bought a crystal for myself and one as a gift to a small child but that’s it as far as souvenirs go (please applaud.)

Here are some photos I took.

I like a place that employs actors and sword swallowers and fire swallowers and chocolate-covered banana mongers and knitters and face painters and singers and musicians and those who want to get a custom foot soak or head-soak at a hilarious “day spa.”

I like a place that gives teenagers decent jobs and, presumably, chances to fall in love with other little dorks in wacky outfits.

I like a place that welcomes queers of all stripes and types, with the costumery (or lack thereof) to match.

I like a place that invites folks of all genders to sport as little or as much cleavage as they wish (okay, maybe not ALL THE CLEAVAGE, but truly a lot of top, side, and underboob was on display.)

I have determined that I would like to go to another such festival - maybe not in the blazing humid summer heat, but given enough shade, I’d certainly chance it again.

There was something very sweet and lovely about seeing various elves and wizards talk to each other about LARPing.

If you have suggestions for such festivals - not just Renaissance Faire stuff, but other weird creative adventures where maybe you can dress like a fairy if you feel like it, or a goat, or Gollum, and also there may be fried foods - please advise in the comments.

Sometimes it is nice to be an unremarkable weirdo among weirdos. I think places like this save people from boredom, bullying, and the summer blahs.

I hope you have your own weird little oasis somewhere, even if it’s just inside your actual brain.

***

I offer one-on-one coaching, teaching, and editing services for writers across genres. I’ve done this for most of my adult life, and I love it. (I used to be a classroom teacher, and would be happy to help your kiddo with back-to-school jitters, college entrance essays, etc.)

If you want me to read your novel, or you just need somebody with whom to brainstorm your next script, that is fun for me too.

I hope you are doing very well. I’m building my September budget, thinking up the next episode of my podcast, The Audio Letter (it’s for patrons only, but it’s easy to access), and trying to make myself go to an in-person 12-step meeting. I’ve started physical therapy, at least, and that is in person and I quite love it!

I think it helped me not have a demonically sore back after the Renaissance Faire, actually. And it is nice to be around elderly folks and smile and say hello.

Love always,

Sara

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