I Don't Know, Man, We're Still Here

Is that a good thing? Anyway, here are some stories for you.

Not you guys, you’re cool.

I just wanted to quickly check in and say I'm thinking of you all, and grateful for you all. I didn't have high hopes for Tuesday's election and it doesn't feel weird to be sick now. It kind of feels appropriate. I did put on lipstick to feel slightly alive for a sec. Also, read all the books in that stack above, including the book and card deck by the beloved

Zulfa Ishak

and the book by fellow Man of Chicago

Jeff Tweedy | Starship Casual

.

Apologies in advance for typos I don't catch as I'm a bit woozy right now. I am listening to a lot of my little baby kiwi queen Kiki Rockwell now.

This won't be a long post - I am pretty sure I caught this wild sore throat and cold at ye ole joyful, glorious, dance dance dance party thrown by one Taylor Alison Swift (born December 13, 1989) at Lucas Oil Stadium, as is to be expected when 69,000 people (mainly women and girls and my boyfriend and Travis Kelce, who is very tall) are screaming for 4 hours.

Okay, I didn’t actually see TK screaming but he is a tall man. My dude didn't scream because he doesn't know most of the songs and he was mostly there to see his/our buddy Amos Heller, a very talented motherfucker who has played bass for Taylor Swift since 2007 and who is the blessed reason we didn't have to pay for those tickets. We did pay for our car rental, fuel, AirBnb, food, and all that, but dang. Steal of a deal.

We stayed amidst a neighborhood oasis of queers (hi, Herron Morton, you are awesome, I kept calling you Hetrick Martin) in a state suffering under a viciously anti-trans, anti-women government. I appreciate that part of Taylor’s show is Stevie Nicks Halloween witchcraft femme queer woodsy ritual. I would do marriage to the lighting design team.

We went in Indianapolis, but I know a lady who bought tickets on resale and three tickets plus car fuel from her home city to a NOLA show cost about $6000. (Obviously if you buy 'em straight from Ticketmaster they don't cost nearly that much, but these scalpers are wild.)

Gracie Abrams, Taylor Alison Swift’s opener, was on for about a half hour, and then Ms. Swift herself and her band and dancers did 3.5 fucking hours nonstop.

Okay, that's not actually true - the band and certain crew members get a union-required break at some point, I believe, which maybe was why she did a 15 minute solo acoustic set? I don't know. I may be inventing this and it might just be that they need to pee and poop and have a big jug of water with Liquid IV. But holy shit. What a performer. Dancing, singing, a million costume changes - I don't know if this woman gets a chance to even take a bathroom break.

Here’s Amos doing a thrash metal cover you’ll love.

Also, Amos fucking shreds live and if you’re interested in playing bass, check out his music geek YouTube channel that has legit excellent info.

Buy somebody the Amos Heller-approved AHPJ4 via Mike Lull Custom Guitars. Or just read about it, it’s fucking cool.

The best show I've ever seen was Beyonce's final stop on the Formation world tour in 2016, in New Jersey. Trump was elected by the Electoral College - NOT by the popular vote, which Hillary Clinton won - a week or two later. And now I've seen the second best live concert of my life, and Trump got elected again.

Next time, I am not going to a global megastar's concert tour before a general election. I’ll probably just hide in my house! But the Eras tour is an amazing feat and their whole team should be proud of the 140+ shows they’ve done on 5 fucking continents.

Anyway, after the concert, we came back from Indianapolis. I was tired but didn't know I was getting sick. That's why I was able to be alert (if anxious) and quite relieved to do a Q&A on Monday night after a screening of No One Asked You, a documentary about Lizz Winstead and the fight for abortion rights and birth control access in this country. Follow the link to check it out - it's really good and a lot of my friends and colleagues are in it. Here’s the trailer.

I'd add more photos from the concert and the screening but whew, I'm fading fast here, everybody. There are some nice photos from both over on my Instagram if you're interested.

Thank you to everybody who donated to INARA or other nonprofits for my birthday, or who bought something off my Am*zon wishlist. I am so grateful. This little Scorpio has a lot to be thankful for. I'm having surgery next Friday (as long as I'm not still sick) and I'm scared but feeling more confident and grateful for it each day. The election put my little worries in context.

I've never had major surgery before, but I hope I am able to live with less pain, nausea, loss of sleep, loss of work time, loss of play time, anxiety and depression as a result. The funny thing is that by choosing to undergo surgery I may be inviting some of those things in! But I am lucky to have a psychiatrist, psychologist, and 12-step friends to talk to. And all of you to express myself to creatively, hopefully with good boundaries.

I just got tired of being in so much pain a few times a year that I either throw up, feel like I'm about to, or take off work or bail on doing something fun (or all these things). I am mostly afraid of saying dumb shit while under the influence of anesthesia and of being constipated from painkillers - yeah, sure, I could also die, but then I'm DEAD and not embarrassed or stuffed with shit. So death is like maybe third or fourth or fifth of my fears on the list.

This has been rambling - again, Auntie Sara is sick and woozy - but I appreciate you. And all we've got is today - this very moment, in fact - so I'll do my best to remember that and I hope you do, too.

I hope this offered some distraction and a little comfort even.

Love,

Sara

P.S. An earlier version of this post was published on my Patreon, where I usually do more creative and freeform stuff than I do here. I also have an occasional patrons-only podcast, The Audio Letter, over there, but I lost my voice so I didn’t do it today.