Is Your Pet Trying to Kill You?
An investigative report
Anybody with pets knows that they do not typically dig when we go a-traveling. Whether it’s your dog pissing on your suitcase or your cat growling at you while sitting atop your neatly folded pile of vacation underpants, they just know when you’re going to be away - and they hate it. But I recently committed the ultimate sin in the eyes of one’s pet: going away for a short trip, coming back and cuddling, and then going away again.
My first going-away experience happened because of a family funeral/reunion weekend in Asbury Park, NJ. My very hilarious great-aunt passed away last year, and her very hilarious husband followed suit 17 hours later. His kids said he passed on precisely at when he would’ve gotten up to fish before work for decades. They were both in their nineties and led long lives despite one of them smoking for years and both of them having a penchant for being in the sunshine all day with zero SPF on.
As someone who had a basal cell carcinoma at age 18 and has always been encouraged to have a Gollum-like approach to sunlight, this utterly mystifies me. That branch of the family is something else.
Anyway, a kind family member secured us lodging at a very beautiful resort establishment. The Jersey Shore was not like this when I was growing up!
The ceilings in my room were quite high, and I enjoyed being a hobbit away from the Shire (Brooklyn) in the wild wild wilderness for a time.
It was good to meet most of the people in that branch of the family for the very first time. I was struck by how folks talked about the deceased with a kind of levity and perspective that wasn’t all saccharine bullshit. It felt very down-to-earth and genuine, which was a more authentic kind of love than some Hallmark crap. That sort of realness was much appreciated. I evilly told my father I was taking notes…FOR THE FUTURE.
I took a jaunt in the rain with my aunt, uncle, and dad, and got to see some of the lovely sights of Asbury Park. It’s a good place, I think. I hadn’t visited since a different family gathering in 2017. I love the beach in the rain. It’s moody and haunting and peaceful and quiet.
I returned after 48 hours to a sweet/pissed large adult cat. Polly the Demon Queen and I have been together since she was 7 and I was a girl of 39. Now she’s 10 and I’m 42.
What I knew, and this beast did not, was that I was going to sleep at home for a night and then go off to Raleigh, NC for two more nights for a work thing. I work full-time at a nonprofit in digital marketing, so between that and my two Other Work Unions being rather busy of late (WGA East and SAG-AFTRA) it’s been quite a time! A time of juggling, a time of words, a time of picketing on vacation time from one job.
I booked her a cat sitter who would visit her, but figured she’d still be distressed. Indeed, this was true.
Please enjoy this hot creeper shot by me with my night guard in. She sleeps on my head when I’ve been away or I’m sick or sad.
Sweet, right? Do not be fooled. This morning she was ready to do a murder on me.
She has killer paws and perfect bone structure.
At present, I remain alive. Please feel free to let me know in the comments what your pet does when you have the temerity to leave for any length of time. Also if I’m gone all day she behaves the same way, it’s amazing.
Anyway, those of you who are paid subscribers are due two special extra bonus posts before the month is out, and you shall get them!
I hope you have a beautiful evening, and that your pet allows you to see the morning. I’ll be making more picket signs soon with my fellow union members. Special thanks to those of you who are paid subscribers, because Lord knows I can use the money since I certainly won’t be selling any TV/film projects anytime soon. Of course. I’m also grateful to have my full-time job at a nonprofit, but your support really helps me do work that I love - like this very newsletter.
If you have requests for what you’d like me to add to the newsletter moving forward, please feel free to let me know.
Yours in service to our creatures,
Sara
My cat doesn’t know that a few days after I get back from a two week long trip he’s getting two new brothers…I’m not sure how many churus it will take to beg his forgiveness