It's March? What?
Thoughts on money
Wow. It’s March. Look at that. Look at HER. But in the interest of giving February her due…
Happy belated AF Leap Day to all who celebrate! I went to elementary school with a kid born on Feb. 29, and my mother remembers his birthday even though we are now 43, not 8. Her ability to remember birthdates is spooky.
And speaking of which, happy birthday to
! I love her newsletter and I love love love the card deck of the same name.My apologies for not spacing publication out better in February. I have to go to Florida (pray for me - I do get to see some friends, so I’m happy about that), but I’ll do my best to keep these March issues flooooowing.
WARNING: MONEY TALK AHEAD. Perhaps some of it will resonate with you. I know every situation is different, every attitude is different, every brain is different.
Paid subscribers are always welcome to weigh in in the comments!
Money March
Now here’s an intimate topic, eh? Like a lot of us, I say that I am not good with money. I don’t mean that I don’t bring in money. I don’t mean that I invest in harebrained schemes or go on endless pricey vacations. What I mean is “it’s not naturally easy for me to track my spending and saving in my head, and I am prone to impulse purchases when I am hungry, angry, lonely or tired, and ALSO I’ve never been good at math.”
Today I asked myself, well, what do I think makes somebody good with money? You’ll have your own definition. For me, somebody who lives within their means, draws boundaries around what they will or won’t give or loan to a loved one, saves money, and thinks about future needs versus just present wants - that’s a person who is good with money. It’s not about being stingy, or even particularly frugal. I guess it’s being strategic.
If you’re also learning about this stuff, you might want to check out The Art of Money by Bari Tessler. She was a somatic psychologist (they help you to talk about stuff and feel feelings in your body so you stop feeling like shit, is the short version) and found this sub-specialty in helping people with their money problems. How? Oh, I find it to be a wild tale.
At first she realized she actually liked bookkeeping (what?) Then she realized she actually liked teaching people how to do it (angelic behavior!) So she combined her licensure and training and new hobby and now that’s her whole deal - she’s a money therapist. I’m going through the workbook version with some friends. It’s very gentle. She mentions dark chocolate. Often.
Tessler talks about how a budget actually communicates a lot about what you value emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Money is so much more complex than just one’s income or one’s debt. I appreciate that she lets you define success in a way that makes sense for your life, not your parents’ or your colleagues’ or your friends’ lives.
In my personal definition, somebody who is “good with money” isn’t necessarily even employed, much less wealthy. I’ve seen friends strategically stretch their EBT funds to make the abundant and nutritious meals happen on a regular basis. I’ve seen people teach themselves how to do home repair tasks they previously felt were hopeless. The willingness to make a plan and ask for help from charities, mutual aid, and tax-funded government resources is NOT a sign of being “bad with money.”
In a society fueled by debting and consumption, working various systems to get benefits is a specific skill set that often requires advocacy and coaching. People who utilize these necessary services during tough times are employing a key strategy.
Hell, even people with moderate to higher incomes often need to resort to GoFundMe to pay for lifesaving medical procedures! Sometimes they carry so much credit card debt, or can only get high-interest loans, and asking for help from friends and strangers is the only way to avoid putting their future selves in a hole of even more impossible debt.
Ideally, these are measures that enable one to build a sustainable plan to not just subsist, but thrive.
Some people are living under so many pressures, especially the economic ones, yet they use their powers to make it all work well enough. I don’t mean this in some magical way that erases all the tough shit they’re dealing with. I’m just saying there’s a deep practicality to those who can make a lot out of a little. For some it’s inborn, and for others it’s learned. Either way, it’s a prized skill.
Perhaps I’m talking not about some moral value of “good” with money. Maybe I’m talking about being thoughtful with it. I would like to be more thoughtful with what I earn and what I spend.
I’ve shared before that I benefit from 12-step groups. That is still true, particularly with alcohol. But outside help has always been necessary for me. I’ve been fortunate to access it from different mental health providers throughout my life.
One of the things we sometimes talk about in 12-step groups is “the wreckage of our past.” I caused some money wreckage. Stressed some folks out as a result, too. I don’t want to do that again. I’ve got some books and some prayers and I’ve tried a few budgeting apps. I’ve got a nice group I share money things with. But I figured it was time to add somebody new to the mix - somebody not related to me, or personally connected to me as a friend.
Recently, I decided to try working with a financial coach so that I could learn more about budgeting, spending, and saving. I finally accepted that a.) I’m not going to magically understand all this stuff b.) No family member or friend or book is going to be the key to my education and c.) I need somebody patient and sensible who will talk and listen, without yelling or shaming. Or crying. I mean, I assume he won’t cry.
Investing money in learning about money? I never thought I’d see the day! I looked at my budget (I do have one) and decided to go for it. It was not cheap but it wasn’t out of my price range if I made room for it. I limit my use of credit cards, because I can use them for a quick fix when I’m sad (hi, addict brain). So I had to make sure I could pay for it in cash.
We’ll see how it goes.
In the meantime, shout out to every elementary, middle school and high school math teacher who takes the time to teach useful money management lessons, using a variety of learning strategies for kids who absorb info all different ways, understanding that every child walking into their classroom may have a home life that’s very different from what the teacher experienced growing up.
Since we’re talking about money, now is a wonderful time to give some to INARA (especially to their long-term initiative to help the genocide survivors of Gaza) and Miry’s List and RAICES Texas. But then, it’s always a good time to help those folks.
Thanks for reading. More soon. I’m grateful you’re here.
Love,
Sara