My Ancestor Was Engaged to Jesus
And her head is on display in Italy!
Who is your wackiest relative? For me, it’s 100% Saint Catherine Benincasa of Siena, who was canonized by the world’s oldest and most successful franchised multilevel marketing scheme cult, the Catholic Church. I talked about her recently onstage at the Georgia Room in Manhattan, at a show called The Tell, which author/musician Michael Leviton has been hosting and producing since 2015.
Among many other things, Chatty Cathy claimed Jesus proposed to her when she was 21. He showed up and presented her with an engagement ring made of…take a deep breath…his own foreskin, which presumably somebody in Bethlehem-adjacent tucked away in a jewel box after his bris so that one day he could marry a nice Italian girl.
If you think I just made up a very gross story to freak you out, let’s be clear:
a.) My scam artist ancestress made it up.
b.) She probably also believed it was true, which makes us wonder if it was in fact a scam (was it a lie if she thought it really happened?
c.) This story has been reported by fact by the Holy Roman Catholic Church for centuries. I’m not kidding.
After she died at age 33 (okay, copyCat), there was a frenzied fight over her body parts. The Catholic Church claims that “relics” or body parts of the saints are holy and magical.
Anyway, Siena won her head. If you force your kid to go to church, I truly have no idea where YOUR head is at, but I bet your parish doesn’t have a head on display.
Here’s a photo of the head, heavily painted with wax and probably Fenty Beauty Match Stix Contour in Amber (I assume we have the same skin tone). If you don’t wanna see it, close your eyes and scroll.
You ready?
Okay but are you really ready?
Here we go!
Also, at one point she cared for a terminally ill woman with dead sores all over her body. Apparently this broad was a real asshole to her. Catherine got mad at herself for being grossed out by the sores, so she kissed this dying lady’s sore-laden titty without asking for consent until she, Catherine, personally felt better!
If you think the lady was happy about that, the answer is no. This almost-dead bitch was mad as hell. I don’t blame her! I mean, her nurse was an absolute agent of full chaos beyond even what is “normal” for us Italian women.
There are children’s schools named after this broad. I’m listening to an audiobook about her life, and it is so gross (and the narrator so sing-songy) that it’s taking me awhile.
My friend Bobcat Goldthwait directed an incredible documentary about my late friend Barry Crimmins (who was one of Bobcat’s closest friends), and it delves into Catholic madness with extraordinary precision. It’s called Call Me Lucky, and I recommend it.
Anyway, yes we still love incense and stained glass and some of the prayers, and you can read all about this “saint” (and her severed head, cute) in Atlas Obscura.
Recommendations
John Fetterman - Good dude, good stuff. Yeah, I bought a shirt. I appreciate him speaking so openly about mental illness, and his wife seems awesome.
Free Store 15104 - Gisele Bareto Fetterman founded this free store in Braddock, PA. My own college actually opened a free store to make sure community folks had access to discarded goods that were in fine condition. From an environmental perspective and a community service perspective, it’s a great idea. This can be a large or small endeavor, and it’s a great mutual aid opportunity.
The Tell - I got to talk about the aforementioned Chatty Catherine on The Tell, a very groovy live storytelling show at the Georgia Room.
Datemare with Hayley Marie Norman - I adore my friend Hayley, and her show is going to be fun and wacky and all kinds of interesting. It is possible I shall appear upon this show, who can say?
- Excellent work and curation as usual by the insightful writer and editorWord. Sound. Power 2023 - BAM’s annual showcase of hip-hop and spoken word
Real Life by Sharon Salzberg - I got this as a gift and am enjoying it very much.
Indie bookstores, in general - You can always check out Bookshop.org to order books through indies if there isn’t a bookshop near you (or you just don’t feel like schlepping).
Brooklyn Bookstore Crawl - It runs April 22-29! I realized I need to pick up a book I ordered through Books Are Magic.
Instax Mini Film Camera - Sibling got it for me for Christmas and I love this thing. I linked to eBay in case you’d like better price points, but you can get them at full price in a lot of places. Then take photos of your photos! WHEEEE! Here’s my mom and me when I was like a few hours old or whatever, and then here’s also me many hours old.
Well my dears, I hope this was fun for you. I enjoyed it, myself. Some exciting new podcast news is coming soon, but for now, I do hope you’ll catch up on episodes of Well, This Isn’t Normal on your favorite pod place. It’s all about stress relief, and not about weird engagements.
Love,
Sara
P.S. I’m in the mood to write more for new places, or places for which I simply haven’t written before, so if there’s a magazine or website you just love to read, do let me know. It might not be the place for me to pitch, but I might end up subscribing to something really cool that I don’t know about yet.
Girls, Girls, Girls... Celebrating Sirens... https://cwspangle.substack.com/p/girls-girls-girls