How do you handle anger? That's a broad question, since anger comes in various guises and, I'm told, often disguises hurt or fear underneath. I've learned that doesn't mean we dismiss the anger or bypass it in favor of going straight to the underlying emotion; to do so is to demean a very important human response. But wow, anger is uncomfortable for me sometimes.
How about you? Do you take a kind of delight in anger, even a thrill? Do you tolerate it as a necessary companion? Or do you avoid it, stuff it down, anesthetize yourself against it? I've done all of these things in my life.
I know it is an active, powerful emotion. I know it can fill one with a sense of agency and motivation. It can also serve as valuable fuel for important action. But the feeling-states that can happen along the way - rumination, obsession, agitation - are often prickly and difficult to withstand.
Withstand them we must, however, as they always pass. There is value in the thorns and thickets. What am I learning about my values?
Sometimes we do not know we have a particular need until said need goes unmet. For example, you and I would not know we needed our partner to wash her own laundry if we never lived with a partner. But once romance and love and companionship come a-knocking, so too do many heretofore undiscovered needs.
I'll make it even simpler and much grosser…
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