This Contains Zero New Year's Resolutions
It's the final SARATONIN of the year!
Hello all! Here’s your second SARATONIN newsletter for the week, on account of me catching the Devil’s flu in December and being behind on delivery. This brief edition contains recommendations and zero fucking resolutions. It’s mostly silly, and I hope it makes you laugh, smile, or at least feel a bit better.
And don’t worry if you didn’t party on New Year’s Eve. I made a silly reel on this very subject, with a dirty word in it that is a personal favorite of mine. I chatted to friends. I told my parents I am grateful to them and for them. I napped.
I finished this newsletter, heated up some LEFTOVER oatmeal, wore sweats and a ripped T-shirt, and enjoyed my little tea and candles and cat.
I ran the dishwasher. I mean, sometimes it’s just about putting one foot in front of the other, even and especially on a holiday, darling.
PrepSchoolVTG - Great vintage shop out of sunny Florida. All sorts of items. The thing I’m wearing in the header photo is a ‘70s relic in great shape. I do not usually go for a midi dress, since I’m so short - I enjoy a short skirt, typically. But I made an exception for this lovely thing.
New York - Have you heard? What a town!
Libraries - Join yours! It’s a good thing. Sometimes it’s nice to just hang out in a quiet area and read a book for ten minutes. Then you can leave. I am reminding myself to visit my local library branch this winter, since I’m supposed to take more walks.
A lot of libraries are now the only place some people can warm up, use a clean restroom, and/or entertain their kids. Just by joining, you help support what I hope is a safer space in your town.
Skipping people on dating apps who claim “the app won’t let me change my age to the correct age”: These people are boring liars who think they invented this lie! You think somebody who can’t even do a proper catfish is going to be good at going down on you? I think NEVER and NO!
Listening to somebody’s music before you go out with them on a second date: This is key. You must. Not necessarily before the first date, but before the second. Just a little bit! Alternately, you have to read a little of their writing or look at a little of their art. What if you fall in love? Do you want to spend a lifetime pretending you like their work when you don’t?!
If you dislike it a little but can tolerate it, that may be fine. Perhaps they’re fucking brilliant but their genre of music is simply not your taste. That’s okay. Bring a little levity to the situation as you marry Barbra Streisand. Sure, you’re an absolute lunatic with no taste and her music isn’t your favorite, but it’s not your least favorite, either.
Wait. You better not wreck James Brolin’s happy home! Also, why don’t you love her music? She’s perfect! Now I’m upset by my own hypothetical!
Of course, if this is merely a mutually casual bang-a-thon, that’s different. But if they ever try to bring their bagpipes over you must fire them, I’m sorry, they’re getting too familiar.
Please take good care. I’m feeling better every day, but COVID really walloped me in December. My heart is fine (just out of shape) but I do feel odd and dizzy when I get up quickly from a chair. It’s because my body is still a bit off.
I would like for you to avoid dealing with the same situation, okay? Wear your mask when possible.
With love from me and Polly the demon queen,
If this kinda thing is your bag, a great way to support my art throughout the year is to get a paid subscription to SARATONIN. You’ll get an exclusive essay and photos twice a month because that’s how much I can churn out, plus the weekly newsletter everybody else gets. Thanks to all my subscribers! You are a delight, and I am very grateful to you.