What I'm Thinking About Tonight
Puppies, babies, and books
Here's what I've been thinking about today.
How millennials learned to dread motherhood - Roxane Gay suggested this link in her excellent newsletter
The subhed (one of my favorite weirdly misspelled publishing industry terms - how do we get there from "subheading?") says it all: "To our generation, being a mom looks thankless, exhausting, and lonely. Can we change the story?"I was born in 1980, on the cusp of Baby Gen X and Elder Millennial, and found Rachel M. Cohen's piece fascinating: "I’m not alone in struggling with the prospect of motherhood. Birthrates in America have declined across racial and ethnic groups over the past 15 years, decreases driven not only by people having fewer children but also by those waiting to have any children at all, many deeply torn about the idea. The animated Fencesitter Reddit stirs daily with prospective parents stressed over what they really want. One of the most viral TikTok videos last year, with millions of views and some 800,000 likes, is known simply as “The List,” featuring hundreds of reasons to not have children. (Reasons included: urinary tract infections during and after pregnancy, back pain, nosebleeds, and 'could be the most miserable experience of your life.')"
Cohen's piece is ultimately hopeful, and more nuanced than I expected. I regarded the prospect of motherhood with dread, and am grateful I was not forced into it. It is important to me to continue to uplift groups like the Yellowhammer Fund and Planned Parenthood to ensure that fewer and fewer Americans - especially children and teens - are forced to bear children of their own.
It is also important to me to support organizations like Miry's List and INARA, so that kids in need can have the best chance possible of surviving and thriving.
But I'm also heartened by Cohen's reporting on various studies that show that many women actually do, in fact, enjoy motherhood. It is not for me, but I know some who love it, and I'm glad.
Kenny DeForest's Recovery - I'm so terribly sad about this. Kenny is an amazing guy and extremely funny and kind. I gave what I could and hope to give more in future. Please consider a donation: "On Friday December 8th, our dear friend Kenny DeForest was struck by a motor vehicle while riding a bike. Kenny has undergone neurological surgery to remove a piece of his skull and relieve pressure from a brain bleed at Kings County Hospital. He is in stable condition and (at the time of writing this) heavily sedated...while it's going to be a very long recovery, he's improving each day. He's got a terrific and attentive medical team that are all very invested in his recovery."
How to Be a Friend: An Ancient Guide to True Friendship by Cicero, translated by Philip Freeman - I just finished writing my review for Wonkette. I really dug this slim volume of good advice. The audiobook is wonderful.
INARA's Gaza Rapid Response - A great nonsectarian nonprofit founded by former CNN senior correspondent Arwa Damon. You can explore the site and contribute to work in other areas (for example, they're doing marvelous stuff around mental heath and emotional care in Ukraine) but here's why they're raising $2 million to work with the children of Gaza: "We at INARA know what war weapons do to a child’s body. We also know that in the vast majority of cases, these injuries require multiple surgeries over years. We have seen this time and time again in the other areas where we operate. At INARA when we take on a case, we commit to the full treatment. INARA needs to be prepared once we have access to Gaza."
I am thinking about rest, and recovery, and how precious it is to have time to heal what hurts inside you (literally and metaphorically). I am thinking about crying, and sleeping, and meditating, and praying, and painting, and writing.
I am thinking about the relief of a warm rain in a cold December, and the steam that rises from the earth, the fog that obscures things so beautifully.
I am thinking about how I am grateful to move away to a new place, and how my plans for decor are simple: candles, luminaries, and green plants. Those things plus a purring cat make a one-bedroom apartment feel like a cozy palace.
I am thinking of how lucky I am.
I am thinking of you, and hoping you get to rest today and tonight.
Love,
Sara