What Would You Do With $1 Billion?

Big dreams, baby (plus recs & writing tips)

Part of loving a cat is accepting they might eat your face in your sleep.

Hello friends! This newsletter “should” come out on a Thursday, but here we are on a Saturday. Variety is the spice of life! Anyhoo, I’m so thankful that folks like you are still subscribing and reading this thing. It really does bring me joy to get to write for you.

I’d love it if you kindly followed me on Instagram and/or on Medium, because Auntie Grandma’s Twitter is no more (read about that over at “Quitting Can Be Fun,” the most recent newsletter). And an episode of my patrons-only weekly podcast, The Audio Letter, drops this weekend over at Patreon.

Now on to the important stuff: fantasizing about winning a bunch of money in a very weird way!

Isn’t it wild to consider winning $1.2 billion in the scam-not-scam that is the Powerball lottery? Like all lotto winners, they have to divide it up between themselves. Of course it gets taxed, making them mere multi-millionaires, which is terribly sad, I guess! Anyway, let’s say a prayer for their eternal souls and hope they don’t spend it all on ATVs and Big League chew.

The whole lottery thing got me thinking about my grandmother, who was very into the idea of suddenly winning a zillion bucks. The essay for paid Substack subscribers (yesss, yesss, every time I see a paid subscriber pop up I feel I have won the lottery!) and Patreon patrons (joinnn usssss) is at the end, and it’s about my grandmother. But it answers the question posed in the title. (Paid Substack subscribers and Patreon patrons are the only ones who receive the full edition of the newsletter each week. They also get another private essay in a separate post coming this weekend, ‘cuz I owe them.)

Now your first or fifteenth great act of kindness today can be to pay for someone else’s paid subscription. It’ll make YOU feel like an actual billionaire!

Thank you to my wonderful patrons Jessica, Michael, Malkah, James, Andrew, Owen, Terry, Joe, Michelle, Chris, Matt F., Larry, Kevin, Joseph, Emily, Tyrion (yup, that one), Frank, Jimmy, Raymond, Matt S., Thrash, Dane, Jeff, Peter, Keith, Julian, Erik, Ruth Ann, Tinda, Virginia, Edgar, and Joseph R. Be like them, they are hot and great.

Let’s get to those recommendations, and then to this week’s writing advice. Thanks for being here!

Recommendations

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever with For All Nerds - Check out The Blerd Gurl on Insta for info on how to buy tickets to a gala screening of the new movie on 11/10 at Nitehawk Cinemas in Brooklyn.

Wegmans - Are you familiar? This is a perfect grocery store. Florida people have Publix, and they will tell you all about it, but they are Florida people and thus inherently suspect. I’m sure Publix is perfectly fine, and I know you like those subs, but if a Publix met a Wegmans it would immediately jump into the hellfire that is MAGA-centric Key West and let all 70000 of Hemingway’s cats eat it alive.

Emily’s List - Election Day is on Tuesday. Democracy, civil rights, and abortion rights are on the ballot. Donate to these folks to help them elect Democratic pro-choice women to protect reproductive freedom. I’m on their Creative Council. I try to support them when I can.

Zinn Education Project - A wonderful organization. They do incredible work carrying on the legacy of Howard Zinn. Check them out!

I have a couple of her banners and sent a friend a beautiful mirror, too. This photo is not good, but you get the idea. That’s a scarf on my TV. I don’t know why, either.

Rayo & Honey - The holidays are coming, and Roachele Negron is BUSY. This gal makes wonderful stuff from her workshop in Brooklyn, all while doing about 1000 other things, I have no doubt. She restocks stuff twice a month, so sign up for notifications if the thing you want is sold out.

Warm but not hot mid-autumn days - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. I adore Los Angeles, and I’ve lived there twice, for a total of six years. But I also love New York, and I’ve lived here three times since 2005, for a total of nine years (and counting). Autumn is the best season in New York. Spring is second best. But I love winter, especially the first snowfall. Summer is hot and sweaty but sometimes sexy and beautiful. This is science.

Thanks for Nothing - road trip story I wrote in 2020 (referenced below in this week’s Writing Advice). TW for abuse, addiction, California traffic, etc.

Mason Currey’s newsletter and books - Big recommendation here, especially if you’re an artistic type like moiself (my condolences).

White Women by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao - My friend Ruth Ann sent me this book as a gift. I’m not done with it yet, but it is QUITE a read. I can see why some will love it and some will hate it. I appreciate the opportunity to be less of a human garbage can, and that often involves looking at shit I’ve done or said that is fucked up and harmful. This book offers a chance for white women to do that, without scrambled to perform the role of She Who Is Most Enlightened, as is often the expectation within liberal or progressive white woman circles.

Some people get very mad that these two women started a for-profit company to tell white women about why and how we’re racist, and how we can change. I get that you may not agree with their tactics or feel that they’re helpful, effective, or beneficial. That’s your opinion, and nobody is forcing any of us to hire these women. Have I bought a ticket to a dinner? No, I have not.

But why shouldn’t Jackson and Rao charge for the work they do with Race2Dinner? They’re transparent about what they do and have included reporters multiple times, so participants obviously know what they’re getting into. They’ve been doing this labor forever for free, as have so many other Black and brown women.

There’s a doc about them called Deconstructing Karen that Ruth Ann co-exec-produced, too. I haven’t seen it, so I have no opinion on it. But here are two unedited comments from CBC viewers who loved and hated it.

As a white 65 year old female, I found the program very enlightening, informative, educational and am grateful that CBC ran this program. If we all took an honest look at ourselves, Leaving our defensive thoughts at the door, I believe the purpose of the program would be so beneficial to viewers. I find it disturbing to read some comments which, as far as I can see, just reinforce the white privledge attitudes the program is trying to teach us. The ladies who facilitated did an amazing job. Let's not forget, who knows better about white privledge than those who have been targets of racist behavior all of their lives. The question I feel should be asked is not "Who here is racist" but rather, "how racist am I." It takes an open minded, willing to learn type of person who can read that question and look honestly at their beliefs. I find it very hard to believe that each of us doesn't have some degree of racist beliefs that perhaps, education can help to enlighten and change those beliefs. - Debbie Paris

This appalling documentary is another example of the current 'fashionable' progressive attempts to deconstruct western society - ironically the fairest, most tolerant, and least impoverished civilization to ever exist. We should be grateful for the western civilization our ancestors built and, as good citizens, strive to improve it. The kind of venomous and simply incorrect rhetoric from the Race2Dinner cofounders (and others such as Kendi and DiAngelo) illustrate a dangerous resentment and should not be promulgated by a publicly funded broadcaster. - John Unsworth

My favorite Meech tweet ever - Important work.

M.K. Komins - They make great art, and they are my friend. They live in Philly and they’re very weird. I love them and I hope you do, too.

Magic Pot ASMR - Look, I’m as embarrassed as you are that I, personally, like ASMR videos and particularly enjoy the goofy fantasy genre. BUT. This Swedish woman puts so much effort into her videos, and makes most of her own props. Sometimes we are in a bookshop and the bookshop might be enchanted! Other times we are in an inn and the inn might be enchanted! It’s like watching a weird little movie! I love her and I love how she reads you folk tales.

Boba - A controversial recommandation. It’s tapioca pearls but also bubble tea but also - well, here’s an article I haven’t read. My friends Sabrina and John both haaaaaate boba. Don’t bring it up to them. I don't know what’s in it but I know it’s disgusting. And yet. Here I am, craving it on a Friday night.

Writing and editing services with me - Want to write a fantastic nonfiction book treatment? Need assistance with creative unblocking so you can finally finish your novel or script? Have a kid who hates writing and really needs one-on-one support to get an essay done? For the past fifteen years, I've helped folks with these issues and more.

During my undergraduate studies at Warren Wilson College, I tutored international ESL students in writing. In 2008, I completed my masters degree in education for grades 7 through 12 at Teachers College at Columbia University. I did my student teaching at the Bronx High School of Science.

I've coached, edited, and taught adults one-on-one as well as through comedy festivals, private companies and nonprofits. I'm available to teach adolescents and adults in person in the NYC, North Jersey and Hudson Valley area or via Zoom, phone or email. If you or your organization can cover my travel, I'm happy to coordinate out-of-town workshops and coaching. Contact saratoninnewsletter@gmail.com for rates and recommendations.

Writing Tips: Write Who You Know

You’re always welcome to email me a question at saratoninnewsletter@gmail.com. Don’t be shy (or rude). We love boundaries. Out of respect for yours, if you ask me a question, I’ll assume you want me to keep you anonymous unless you tell me otherwise.

The most frequently recycled adage in writing class is “write what you know.” I love it because it’s true. When we write about what we know, we write with unmistakable authenticity. We write with genuine feeling. The realness of it is palpable, and our work sings on the page.

But what about writing who (or, more appropriately, whom you know)? What about writing your personal essay or memoir? You’re not the only character in your story. You’ve interacted with other humans throughout your life. How can you tell your story without including these other folks?

How about a roman à clef (French for “novel with a key”) like The Devil Wears Prada? Sure, you’ve changed the names and some details, but you’re writing this novel because you want to fictionalize events in your real life. Shouldn’t the characters on the page be as close as possible to the source inspiration?

I’ll throw another cliché at ya: your mileage may vary. I get into this with my workshop students and private clients all the time. When we write about people we’ve actually known, we take their lives in our hands.

People love to throw around that Anne Lamott quote about how if people didn’t want us to write about them, they should’ve acted better. I don’t think Lamott’s intent was to give carte blanche to all aggrieved writers to work out our rage on the page! The quote is often taken out of context (just as I did with it here).

My take is that you get to write about what happened, and you get to write about what you experienced. Educate yourself on the legal aspects of the situation. Then take some time to consider your personal and professional goals. Finally, look at your true peace - not the “make nice” bullshit in which I too often engage, but actual, deep peace down in your soul when you know you’ve done your best and acted with integrity.

You don’t have to protect an abuser. You don’t have to out them, either. This is about your story. There’s a reason we usually change names and details. It’s not just about protecting others. It’s about protecting ourselves. This includes taking care of your own financial and legal life, sure, but don’t forget about protecting your heart.

Understand that you may hear from people who want an iron grip on their own narrative. Some of these people will be deeply controlling and insecure. Others will simply wish to refute what you’ve said, particularly if you’ve lied or exaggerated. The most hilarious thing is when people decide they’re the basis for a character in your work when you absolutely did not have them in mind.

I try to always return to this: what was my experience? I can’t take someone else’s inventory or invent what was happening in their head. In my personal essay or memoir, I am in fact the main character! That’s where main character energy belongs, not in my interpersonal relationships.

This is what I considered when I wrote my memoir, Agorafabulous!: Dispatches From My Bedroom, when I was 29 and 30. It’s also true when I write personal essays like this 2020 road trip reverie, Thanks for Nothing.

Ask yourself why you’re writing this story. Is it just to get it off your chest? Seems like you should do that with your best friend or your therapist. Once it’s off your chest, it’s out in the world. What do you want the story to do there? Help people? Influence legal change? Entertain?

Are you merely writing for vengeance? Are you being cruel? What would your wisest self do? Consider this, meditate and pray on it if you do those things, ask for help and insight, and then do what feels best.

Essay: What Would You Do With $1 Billion?

I grew up with a grandmother who fantasized loudly and often about winning the lottery. Chronically in debt, suffering from untreated mental illness and the burden of bitterness, she still had a generous heart and a lot of love to give. That her love was tinged with madness, and sometimes verbal cruelty, was a perpetual problem that drove away friends and relatives. Her love was a gift wrapped in porcupine quills.